Every Breath Is a Bomb
by Joie23
Summary: There is a place in his heart he never goes to. They're there. The people he hurt the most. The people he loved the most. They sleep there.


_There's a place in his heart he never goes to._

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><p>People always assume they know who Damon Salvatore is. He's a cruel monster. He's an atrocious person. He's the one who gets to live forever even though he's the only one who doesn't deserve it at all. People assume right. Damon Salvatore is all these things. But what people never assume is that maybe there's still some goodness left in him. They don't assume that maybe he still feels compasion towards others. It never crosses their minds that maybe he's still capable of loving.<p>

People always assume they know someone. They don't. It's hard to know someone if you don't even know yourself first. But people are people. You just have to let them be.

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><p>Damon's ten when he starts making promises he can't keep. It's the first time father's taking him to a meeting in another town and they'll be gone for a few days. It's also the first time Damon and his little brother Stefan are going to be separated for so long. Stefan doesn't like it. He practically even cries in front of father. Damon's trying to console him but nothing works. Stefan begs him to ask father if he can go with them, but Damon refuses because he very well knows father's not a sensible person. Stefan broods for the first time. Damon hugs the little boy and leaves quickly.<p>

While away, Damon misses his little brother very much. Father's not paying a lot of attention to him so he ends up being in his room for the most of their trip. He wonders why father brought him along anyway. He complains saying he should've stayed at home with Stefan. His father ignores him as usual. Damon's not even hurt by his father's behavior towards him anymore. He's used to it by now. He only worries about Stefan. Stefan's still a little boy. He admires their father. Damon doesn't want to see him sad. Damon doesn't want to see him disappointed.

When they return home, Stefan literally runs into Damon's arms. Damon's never seen him so happy before. He then makes him a promise. Damon promises he will never leave him again. He also promises no one will ever come in between them, not even their father. He even makes him a pinky promise about it. Stefan does the same. They're more than just brothers. They're best friends.

While human, Damon breaks the promises he has made to his brother three times. The first two times is when he goes to war. Their father comes in between them again. He goes to war to make his father proud. He forgets about his promises. Damon leaves Stefan. But they're still brothers. They're still best friends. Stefan understands. He's the only one who always understands.

The last time a human Damon breaks a promise he's made to his brother is when he meets a certain Katherine Pierce. She comes in between them and she's even worse than their father. Damon's in love. He thinks he is. Stefan's in love, too. They're still brothers. _But they're not best friends anymore._ A woman breaks their friendship. In the end, she's the cause of their death.

When they turn, Damon makes a lot of promises to his little brother. _Again._ He makes promises he doesn't want to make because the pain he feels is stronger than himself. But vampire Damon and human Damon have a lot in common. _They both break promises. _

Vampire Stefan and human Stefan have a lot in common, too. _They both understand. Still. Always._

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><p>Damon travels a lot. He goes to all kind of places and meets all kind of people. He never gets to attached, he never makes friends. He has never been one to have friends. He's simply not interested in that kind of relationship. But everything changes when he meets Alaric Saltzman.<p>

Alaric's everything Damon's not. Or rather, he's everything Damon's trying hard not to be. Alaric's kind and genuine. He cares deeply about people and is very loyal to his loved ones. He's smart and that's really what Damon likes the most about him. Alaric's true to himself in every situation. He's true to himself in front of anyone. No matter what. Damon respects him for that.

Their relationship is kind of weird. They never talk about the usual topics. Damon mostly always complaines about different situations and people, about life in general. Alaric's simple and patient and he always knows what to say. Damon never finds him annoying and for the first time in his life, he actually considers someone as a friend. Well, after Stefan obviously. Yes, Alaric is Damon's friend. His best friend.

Damon knows there are reasons why he never has friends and why he stays away from people. He remembers that reasons when he loses his best friend. _Pain. Gulit. Solitude._ It's his fault Alaric dies. He's not there on time and Alaric dies. He loses his best friend when he could have easily saved him. But Alaric wasn't only his best friend. That's what hurts the most. Damon loses a _brother_.

_Once again._

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><p>She reminds him of the little girl he used to play with as a child, the one he would have probably married if life didn't get in their way. She's so young and so full of life. Nothing's ever hard for her and it seems she does everything with a smile on her face. She sure has a smile for everyone. She smiles to the old lady who's passing by her house everyday and she warmly greets the nerds from her highschool everytime she sees them. She is a simple, happy girl. At least that's what she looks like to the old lady and to all those nerds.<p>

Beneath all the warm smiles she's a sad person. He's the only one who really notices her. It's probably because he is the reason for her sadness. He's the first boyfriend she has and it's all a big, fat lie to him. He doesn't care that she'll be hurt the most when he decides to end this whole charade. Her tears don't bother him. He simply just compels her to stop crying. He compels her all the time. She's like a toy to him. She's a doll he'll play with until he's bored. Then, he'll get rid of her. Just like that.

She ends up being his biggest regret. He's the one who's hurt the most and it's all his fault. Her faith becomes something he wouldn't wish even to his worst enemy. And she's the only person in the world who doesn't deserve this kind of end. She becomes everything he hates. She becomes a monster. She becomes a killer. _She becomes him._

But he can't hate her. No matter what. _He just can't hate her._

Caroline Forbes dies on a cold December night. Damon Salvatore drives a stake through her heart. The last thing she sees is blue and it brings out a long lost smile on her beautiful face. _She dies happy._

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><p>People sleep at night. Damon Salvatore never sleeps because his conscience doesn't allow him to. He has regrets. His regrets keep him from living his life. His regrets keep him from ending his life. He's not even living anymore. He only exists. And his existence is just a long circle that never ends.<p>

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><p><em>There's a place in his heart he never goes to. <em>They're safe there. They're loved there.

**Stefan. Alaric. Caroline.**

There's a place in his heart he never goes to._ They sleep there. _


End file.
